Working out each day is one of the best things you can do for your brain and body, but if your boyfriend is obsessed with working out, I understand it might drive you a little crazy. While working out is great for both men and women, it can get out of hand for anyone. I’ve experienced firsthand what it’s like to let exercise take control of your life, and have dated many guys who have had the same issue. Spending more than an hour and a half a day at a gym or at home, working out every single day, is taking it to extremes. Unless you’re preparing for a huge event like a race, marathon, or a fitness competition, working out in extremes isn’t healthy for your mind and body. If your boyfriend is obsessed with working out, then consider some of these tips below to help get your man back in balance and back with you!
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1. Pay Attention to Why
Many males turn to working out for a reason, and if your boyfriend is obsessed with working out, it might be more than just about staying healthy. For instance, is he under a lot of stress? Is he being pressured to look a certain way? Did he recently lose a lot of weight and is trying to maintain that? Pay attention to the “why” of his workout obsessions, so you can consider the best way to help him.
Understanding the motivating factors behind your boyfriend's fixation with the gym can offer insight into his internal struggles or aspirations. Perhaps he seeks validation through his physical appearance, or maybe working out serves as a mental escape from the pressures of daily life. Communicating with him openly and showing empathy can not only strengthen your relationship but also help him find a balance. Remember, it’s important to approach the conversation with sensitivity and without judgement, as his reasons could be deeply personal and tied to his self-esteem.
2. Confront Him about It
Whatever you do, don’t get upset with your guy when confronting him about working out, but you shouldn’t just ignore the issue either. Gently tell him you’d like for him to spend more time with you than working out if he’s neglecting you, or if he’s not neglecting you, then just tell him you’re concerned about his extra gym time.
When you bring up the conversation, make sure to do it at a time when both of you are relaxed and not in a rush. It's important to express your feelings honestly but calmly, so he doesn't feel attacked. Use "I" statements, such as "I feel" or "I've noticed," to steer clear of sounding accusatory. For example, you might say, “I feel a bit lonely when you're at the gym every evening after work. Could we perhaps schedule a few nights a week just for us?” Encourage an open dialogue, allowing him to share his perspective too.
Frequently asked questions
Totally! Lots of guys are super into fitness and see the gym as their sanctuary. It's a passion, just like anything else. But if it feels like it's taking over your relationship or his life, it might be worth a chat.
That doesn't seem fair to you. Have a heart-to-heart and let him know how important your own fitness routine is. Maybe set some gym-date times so you can work out together sometimes, but ensure he understands you need your own gym space too.
Communication is key! Tell him how you feel about his gym time – maybe you admire his dedication or perhaps you miss spending time together. Suggest activities outside the gym that you can both enjoy. And if things don't change, consider if this is the right balance for you in a relationship.
If you're up for it, why not? It could be a cute couple's activity. Just be sure it's because you want to, not because you feel pressured. If you don't enjoy it, speak up and suggest alternative ways to spend time together.
It's cool that he's enthusiastic, but it's okay to tell him if you're feeling a bit overwhelmed by all the fitness talk. Encourage him by showing interest, but don't forget to steer the conversation to other mutual interests now and then.
3. Listen to Him
Most likely, when you confront your guy about his workout obsession, he’ll get defensive, and maybe even upset. He’s probably not mad at you, but doesn’t like being confronted about something he obviously cares so much about. Prepare for him to get defensive, and listen to what he says when he responds to you commenting about his gym time. Really listen to what he says so you can understand why he’s constantly obsessed with working out. Once again, it probably has more to do with an underlying issue, built up stress, or something else that he’s taking his workouts out on.
Expect a range of emotions when you bring up his exercise habits, from annoyance to denial. It's natural for him to feel vulnerable, thinking his passion is being criticized. But your aim isn't to attack, rather to unveil deeper concerns. Is he chasing an ever-elusive goal of perfection? Maybe he's compensating for feelings of inadequacy elsewhere. Supportive communication is key. Acknowledge the positives his dedication brings, but express your feelings about the excessiveness. By balancing genuine concern with an open heart, you'll create a space where he feels safe to share and potentially reassess his priorities.
4. Join Him
If you can’t beat them, join them! Isn’t that what they say? Maybe you should try going with your guy one or two sessions a week. See if he’ll let you work out with him and you might gain a better understanding of why he likes going so much, and you might be able to sneak in some extra quality time with him. This is also a great way to get some workout time for yourself. When going with him, ask him if he minds, and tell him you’d like to make it a regular thing if he wants. This might help him put less stress on himself to work out so hard, and focus more on you and spending time with you.
5. Get Active Together
Another option is to take up an activity together that has nothing to do with the gym, but that still gets him moving and being active. Such examples include hiking, biking, swimming, rock climbing, hang gliding, or anything else. Even just going for walks or jogs together counts. This will help him get out of that gym and spend more time with you, and over time, he might start choosing this over the gym anyway!
Exploring the great outdoors or indulging in recreational sports can spark a shared passion that might be just the refreshment he needs from his rigorous gym routine. Encouraging each other through teamwork in activities like kayaking or paired yoga can boost your relationship while subtly weaving fitness into your shared experiences. Remember, it's all about finding joy in being active, and the journey can be just as rewarding as the destination. Plus, it's a great way to create lasting memories together that extend beyond the walls of a gym.
6. Watch His Diet
One issue with men working out is they are also usually obsessed with eating healthy. Watch your guy’s diet and make sure he’s eating enough. If he’s constantly tired, restricting calories, and has no competition he’s preparing for, he could be at risk for a male eating disorder. I know that sounds extreme, but it’s actually very common in men today, and one of the newest causes of early male health issues. It seems stressful enough having to watch what you eat and how you work out, but if you care about your guy, try to keep an eye on his plate too.
While men often focus on protein intake for muscle building, it's essential to ensure they get a well-rounded diet. Variety is key; fruits, vegetables, and whole grains matter just as much as lean meat. Encourage him to consult with a nutritionist if you sense an imbalance. Keep an eye out for signs like mood swings or hair loss, which could indicate a dietary deficiency. Remember, a supportive partner can make all the difference in maintaining not just physical, but also mental health.
7. Ask for Help
If you can’t seem to get anywhere in helping your guy overcome his workout obsession, ask for help from someone, perhaps a gym trainer that knows him, or maybe someone who’s a professional. You might be able to gain some insight based on the information you gather from the steps above, if his issue is really a problem or not. Believe it or not, some guys just really like working out. I know many that work out everyday for an hour and a half, and they’re perfectly normal, and just enjoy taking care of their body. If you’re not sure where your guy stands with this, ask for some help to see if it’s a problem, or just a passion.
I think that men working out to achieve a healthy, physically fit body is a great thing, much better than someone who’s unhealthy or at risk for heart disease, but it can get out of hand. Do you have any advice on how to help a boyfriend who’s obsessed with working out?
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