1. This is Hell

Well, come on. Might as well be truthful from the start.

2. All of These People Are Judging Me

They're not even looking at you, nine times out of ten, and the people you interact with are super friendly, but you know. You know they are all secretly judging you.

3. So I Hate All of Them

Universal rule: hate them before they can hate you. This is especially true for first time gym-goers who are all up in their feelings and lacking self-confidence.

4. I Have to Run for Eight Hours to Lose a Pound

You hated math in school but now you're practically majoring in it. You come to the gym knowing exactly how much weight you have to lose, how many calories each exercise burns in an hour, and how doomed you are already.

5. All of These Machines Look Stupid

This is a defense mechanism, but really, all the machines at the gym look stupid.

6. Why is There No Junk Food in the Vending Machine?

How are you supposed to get through this workout if you can't have a Butterfinger the very second you finish?

7. How Does This Work?

With every machine. Every single one. And you can't ask because then you'll out yourself at a newbie.

8. They're All Gonna Laugh at Me!

This thought runs through your head every time you step onto a new machine. It haunts you while you're on the bike, the Elliptical, and the treadmill, when you're lifting, when you're swimming, and even when you're trying yoga?

9. What Are These Towels for?

I know. But if you've never been to the gym before, you simply can't be expected to know gym etiquette.

10. Ew, This is What the Towels Are for

Then you sit in a puddle of someone else's sweat and you realize … oh.

11. I Am so Weak

I never knew how weak I was until I tried to work out seriously for the first time. Major bummer.

12. These Mirrors Are the Devil

This only applies to people who have the misfortune of visiting a gym with an entire wall made of mirrors. So … it applies to everyone. I cannot stand seeing myself puffing away on the treadmill. Cannot stand it.

13. This Girl beside Me is Trying to Race

She's on a stationary bike and she has no idea you exist. But who's counting?

14. There Are Too Many Mirrors for Me to Pick This Wedge

Those got-damn mirrors.

15. Where is All This Sweat Coming from?

You start sweating from places you've never sweated from before. How is that possible?

16. I've Totally Gone Two Miles on This Thing

You haven't. You haven't gone two miles yet. You've gone three feet.

17. Everything Hurts and I Want to Die

But almost as soon as you walk out, those endorphins hit you and you start to realize … maybe this isn't so bad after all.

I mean, it's still pretty bad, don't get me wrong, but it's not terrible. Mostly. Feel me?